It was early morning and sweet Linda was already dressed for her big day, the WEDDING. Her fiancé was a nice person that cared deeply for Linda, but he was getting grumpier and grumpier, sadder and sadder by the minute. Linda knew why. He had been married before her, nearly married that is. His previous wife-to-be died on their wedding day in the church. It was devastating. Heart attacks can be gruesome.
It was nine hours until ceremony and an hour before her mother was to arrive to assist the bride. She put on the television. She was watching early morning cartoons when a news flash came on.
"NEWS JUST IN! AN ARMED AND DANGEROUS CRIMINAL HAS ESCAPED FROM ST. BERLIN'S INSTITUTE FOR THE MOST MENTAL PEOPLE. IF YOU ARE LOCAL, STAY INSIDE. LOCK ALL DOORS AND WINDOWS AND STAY ALERT. IF YOU SEE SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY, PLEASE RING 0800 45 45 45 45 4 5 4 5678 9765456 856577 90. THIS IS IMPORTANT! THE ESCAPEE HAS A KNIFE AND GUN. HE HAS BUSHY EYEBROWS AND IS WEARING A RED SWEATER AND TROUSERS THAT SAY 'HAVE IT LARGE' ON THE BACKSIDE."
Linda was shocked by what was just reported as the institute was located just down the road. She phoned her fiancé and he told her that everything will be fine, just lock doors and windows and wait for her mother. Finally, her mother arrived. Linda told her what she heard and her mother burst out laughing, saying, "There is a very unlikely probability that we are going to see him." Apprehensive, Linda got into her dress and in the limo.
The bride and groom are now at the church, and have finished saying their vows and exchanging rings. They were just about to say, "I do," when the doors opened and a "mental" man runs in saying "I do, I do, I do, hate you!" Everybody was shocked by this performance except for the groom, he looked frightened. He stepped up and said "Johnny, what are you doing here, bro? You are meant to be in hospital."
"I do hope you don't mean the institute. Yes, I know what it's called. They keep you in a room for freakin' hours with nothing to eat, nothing to drink. You eat once a day and you don't get breakfast, dude. I wasn't insane when I went in but I am freakin' now. I came to the wedding and am going to stay. You got that, bro?"
The groom looked worried but said "No, it's not. You gave me misery, you must leave. I hated you through school and college and you ruined it by going bonkers. Well guess what, bro? You are not welcome here!" The insane criminal stood, walked up to him, got out a knife and stabbed him sixteen times in the heart, just to make sure he was dead. After that, he turned to the bride, who was weeping, and stabbed her twenty times. Then he said to her "That's for being with him all this time!" Story by Bradley Archer